On Contemplating Suicide **trigger warning**

Get all affairs in order Pay all the bills Close all the accounts Pack up the house Label everything Give away the food that will spoil Amass all the pills Load the gun Tie the noose Close all the blinds Turn off all the lights Turn off the pho—no, it’s ringing Answer the phone, talk […]

Darkness

When you cry out into the darkness, who hears you Are your tears sucked into the void or Are they counted and treasured by some omnipotent force Perhaps they are the water of a distant exotic planet Perhaps they give praise for your tears when they fall Even in your suffering, there is life

Wondering…

I wonder what you say when people ask about me, because I know they ask. I wonder if you tell them the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. Probably not. I wonder if you miss me, if you do things and think of me. I wonder if new things make […]

Eventually

One day, when I’m dead and gone, when my body has crumbled and become unrecognizable, someone will find these words and they will echo across time and space these words will mean something to someone else and I will not be alone

1/23/18, 8:43 pm

I couldn’t sleep last night because I was worried about you I tossed and turned and called your phone so many times Voicemail. I called myself all types of stupid to care about whether you died or not I finally slept, but I had nightmares Imagining twisted metal and flame kissed bodies and a coroner’s […]

What intimacy looks like to me…

Hi. I’m single. And in this journey I have been able to write some good things about what I want partnership to look like. And lately intimacy has been a big part of that. I desire a partnership that is transparent, vulnerable, teaching, challenging and thoughtful. I desire a love that pours into me as […]

Celebration

I got my grades back for this quarter that just ended and I’m quite happy with them and proud of myself. I smiled at the proof that I was doing something right. I’m finally taking the steps to become the woman that 12 year old me wanted to be. I’m happy with where I am. […]