I think for the first date, I should take you to my mama’s house

Test your resilience

See how you react when you hear gunshots or screaming kids

How you handle a growling dog because you smell like unfamiliar male

Or maybe, the first date should happen at my hair stylist’s place

So you can hear our well informed opinions on the opposite (and not so opposite sex)

So you can see why it takes us so long to reach that perfection you love so much

So you can pay the bill and see why “Don’t mess up my hair” is a thing

No, no…on the first date we should get stranded

Or lost

Maybe stranded and lost

So I can see how you handle stress

How you deal with an improbable yet totally possible stumble block

So I can learn how you handle your temper after I tell you for the 56th that we should’ve made that right turn 5 miles back

No dinner and a movie for me

If I wanted fake, I would be dating Kenor Barbie.

Come on, tinder date, let me see the real you.


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