A good friend of mine posted on Facebook today that he had gotten married. It wasn’t a shock; I’d been waiting on him to tie the knot for forever it seems. Even though I was supremely happy for him, the news also came with additional feelings. They weren’t so positive, so I did what I always do in these types of situations.
I called my best friend.
The girl one because, as much as I love my bestie (read: boy best friend), he still hasn’t quite grasped that I’m female and sometimes prone to emotions.
I’m in a rut, bestfriend I told her. Coming off a disatrious breakup, logically I knew what these feelings really were about. Here I was, still mourning what amounted to about 5 years of my life just gone-I won’t say ‘wasted’ because I definitely came away with a lesson-and the people around me were getting engaged, walking down the aisle and pushing out mini copies of themselves. (Not to mention the droves of people graduating, but that’s a post for another day.)
It’s a difficult pill to swallow, seeing the people I started this journey with essentially beating me in the race. The stench of failure is one I can’t shake right now. Perhaps the funniest part about this is, I’ve never wanted the marriage and 2.5 kids thing. I’ve never seen myself as a wife or mother, but I also never thought having other people around me achieving that would make me feel some type of way.
I think what it really boils down to is the fact that I’m used to being the one that has it all together. The one that has the foolproof plan. But having to walk away from a relationship and almost dying has truly upset any plans for the future I once had.
My bestfriend set me straight, as usual. You could be in a way worse situation, she said to me. Stop comparing yourself to other people; you never know what they had to go through to get where they are.
She’s right. I have no idea what people have been through, or if these people getting married are doing it for the right reasons or just doing it because they are afraid of being lonely.
I’m going to take my best friend’s advice. Besides, I’m sure there are people out there looking at my life and relative success wishing that they had my life.
They just have no idea what it took to get where I am.